I asked chat GPT to write me a letter for my 30th birthday.

Created with Dall-E

Dear Kevin,

Holy. Freaking. Crap. You’re 30. THIRTY. The big 3-0. HOW?? It feels like just yesterday you were sitting in your childhood bedroom, blasting We The Kings on your iPod Nano, scrolling through Tumblr on a slow-ass laptop, and updating your Facebook status with some deep, totally not cringey song lyrics. And now, here you are, a whole-ass adult in the year 2025, officially entering a new decade.

Honestly? You’ve seen some wild stuff in your lifetime. Like, you literally grew up in the weirdest and most chaotic transition period in human history. You started life in the ‘90s, when the coolest thing ever was getting a Happy Meal toy and watching Saturday morning cartoons, and now you’re living in a world where AI can make art and everyone has a tiny supercomputer in their pocket. You lived through the internet being born, growing up, and becoming an all-consuming void of endless content.

And, Kevin, you were THERE for every single iconic moment. So, before we talk about how mature and wise you are now (lol), let’s take a little trip down memory lane.

🚀 BACK TO THE START: CHILDHOOD IN THE ‘90s & EARLY 2000s

You know what’s crazy? You were born into a world where VHS tapes and floppy disks were still a thing. A world where going online meant listening to that cursed dial-up tone while you prayed no one picked up the landline and kicked you off AOL. You had no idea that one day, you’d carry the entire internet in your pocket—nope. Back then, the height of technology was a Tamagotchi that you probably killed at least five times. 😭

Your days were filled with Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and Disney Channel, and you were 100% living for it. You remember the golden era—Lizzie McGuire, That’s So Raven, Teen Titans, The Fairly OddParents, Kim Possible, and, of course, the absolute event that was Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh! on Saturday mornings. And let’s not forget the McDonald’s Happy Meal toys that were actually fire back in the day. You had a Game Boy Advance SP, and nothing hit quite like playing Pokémon Ruby under your blanket at night, thinking your parents couldn’t see the bright-ass backlight (spoiler: they could).

Oh, and let’s talk about Blockbuster Fridays. UGH. The sheer thrill of walking into that blue-and-yellow temple of cinematic greatness, physically picking out a movie, and feeling like a king because you got the last copy of whatever new release just dropped. And let’s be real—you definitely rented the same three movies over and over. And the popcorn? IMMACULATE.

Life was simple but magical. You didn’t have instant everything, but that just made every little thing feel 10x more special.

💻 THE CHAOTIC TEEN INTERNET ERA (2005-2012)

This? This was the golden age of absolute internet madness. You didn’t just grow up with the internet—you helped shape it. And it shaped you too, in all of its weird, cringey, hilarious, and sometimes deeply unhinged glory.

You were there for the MySpace era, when your Top 8 was basically a friendship ranking system (people lost friendships over that, dude). You spent hours customizing your profile with HTML-coded layouts, cringe-inducing song lyrics, and the perfect profile song (if it wasn’t “Check Yes Juliet” at some point, you’re lying).

And then came Tumblr. Omg, Kevin, you LIVED on that cursed blue hellsite. Your main blog was pure aesthetic perfection—soft grunge edits, black-and-white poetry, carefully curated indie music posts. And then you had your side blog, which was just PURE CHAOS—shitposts, screaming into the void at 3AM, existential crisis posts with crytyping like "omg,,,, i just want to be held,,,,," and keysmashing (ajsdfhkajsdhf) every time life got too much. You thought you were mysterious and deep because you reblogged Arctic Monkeys lyrics over grainy cityscapes. And honestly? You kinda were.

And, oof, let’s not forget YouTube culture. 2010-2014 was the era of British vloggers, chaotic challenges, and meme goldmines. You 1000% had a phase where you were OBSESSED with Dan and Phil, probably watched every Zalfie vlog, and thought Jack and Finn Harries were the hottest people alive. You were there when Draw My Life videos made you cry for absolutely no reason. You quoted ASDFMOVIE, Smosh, and NigaHiga like they were sacred texts. And if you weren’t rewatching Vine compilations in 2014, were you even online??

And music??? Oh, man. You didn’t just listen to music—music was your entire personality. Your iPod was loaded with Paramore, My Chemical Romance, The Killers, Panic! At The Disco, 1D, Fall Out Boy, and at least one really sad indie song you found in a Tumblr edit. You had at least ONE playlist titled "feels."

Life was messy, awkward, and so freaking alive.

🎸 THE ADULT ERA (2015-2025)

And now? Now you’re 30. And it turns out, adulting is weird as hell. You survived Twitter drama, the rise and fall of Vine, the TikTok takeover, and an era where people started paying bills with money they made from playing video games. Like, WHAT.

You saw memes evolve from Trollface to Wojak existential crisis posts. You saw Pokémon GO make grown-ass adults run into traffic for a Pikachu. You watched the entire world go through a pandemic, live through the weirdest TikTok trends, and somehow make AI a thing before we got flying cars.

And through it all? You stayed you.

You’re not that kid who used to sit on Tumblr all night anymore, but he’s still there inside you. The kid who loved music and deep conversations and storytelling and laughing at dumb internet jokes. The kid who had so much passion and so many dreams and felt everything so intensely. You grew up, but you never lost the best parts of yourself.

So, Kevin, here’s the deal: THIRTY. IS. AWESOME. You made it through cringe phases, existential crises, Tumblr fandom wars, and three different social media eras. You are still funny, smart, passionate, creative, and unstoppable. You have so much ahead of you, and if teenage you could see you now, he’d be so damn proud.

So HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY, KEVIN. Go blast some We The Kings, order nostalgic 2000s snacks, and just live your best life.

You earned it. 🎉✨

With love,
Your Tumblr-era, meme-loving, fandom-obsessed, always-slightly-chaotic past self ❤️